Flicking Through Netflix: The Prophecy

I have done about 5 Flicking Through Netflix articles thus far on this blog and today I realized that not one of them has been a movie yet.  To fix that, I was in the mood for some campy horror fun today.  Something that would speak to the part of myself that loves B-movie schlock.  Low and behold, I thought I found the Holy Grail of camp horrors when I saw Christopher Walken on the poster for The Prophecy.  Unfortunately, I’ve got this feeling Netflix put this movie under the wrong genre.

Christopher Walken plays Gabriel, the famous angel.  He’s decided that it’s time to bring forth a second heavenly war.  He’s sick of humans getting all of God’s love while angels get nil.  To wage war, he must get his hands on the soul of a dead, corrupted war general.  Standing in his way is an ex-priest turned cop named Dagget, a teacher, a little girl possessed by the soul he’s looking for, and the Devil himself.

The story is interesting enough, I guess.  It’s at least a bit original.  Here’s my problem.  Why THIS soul?  Why is THIS the only soul that Gabriel wants?  There are no other insane war generals in the world?  I find that highly doubtful.  I just don’t see why he can’t go to some other dead schmuck general and take that soul.  Heck, if he’s hell bent on someone who was some kind of military man AND crazy, why not get Hitler’s soul?  This is one plot hole I just couldn’t let go.

Besides from the plot, the acting on most counts… I really don’t want to be too negative here.  I don’t.  But I felt like about 90% of the cast here is just bored out of their minds.  Nobody showed emotion. EVER.  Well, not nobody.  Chris Walken was perfect in his roll, of course.  He was over the top, goofy, and I never for a second believed his performance.  But that’s what I was expecting.  It’s what I wanted from the Walken.  At about an hour in the movie, I was praying for another actor that cared.  Anyone would do.  Low and behold, my prayers were ironically answered by the Devil of the movie, played by Viggo Mortensen.  You may better know him as Aragorn.  He was fabulous as Lucifer, feeling very slimy and slick while at the same time showing that he is pure evil.  These two actors were great.  But nobody else in the movie felt like they cared at all about what was going on.

The special effects of the movie were nothing special.  I’ve seen better effects by independent online films like Suburban Knights.  The pacing was downright atrocious.  I kept looking at the clock waiting for stuff to happen.  And when action finally WAS happening, it took about two minutes to be done with.  Basically, it was a “blink and you miss it” kind of action.  It made the movie feel completely dull and lifeless.

No matter what Netflix says, this was not a horror movie.  This isn’t a “thriller.”  This movie isn’t even a little bit tense.  At best, it’s a religious fantasy movie with a sprinkling of action elements.  But I never once felt like I was watching a horror movie.  If this is a horror movie, maybe Angels in the Outfield is a slasher flick.

I can’t recommend this movie to anyone but Walken fans.  If you’re in the mood for some good ol’ Walken, you’ll find a good time here.  You’ll have to wait 20 minutes until he gets there, but once he’s there he chews the scenery without saying a word.  If you’re looking for a horror movie, no.  Stay away. Just stay away.

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